I don't know how people pack up and move away from all of their family. What do they do when disaster strikes? For me, disaster struck yesterday. I woke up with the kind of unbearable sore throat that makes you shudder to breathe, refuse to yawn, and stifle a cough if it kills you. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a sore throat. I made it through the day on Advil and Halls. Neil had called between work and school asked his Mom to keep Hayden overnight. She agreed, but in the end, I thought it would be easier to just keep him here. By about 3:00 his morning, I knew I had to go to the doctor. It was that bad. If there's one thing I hate more than a sore throat, it's a throat culture to test for strep throat. I have deep wounds from a childhood filled with strep throat and cotton swabs gouging my irritated tonsils, making me gag and writhe at the same time. My throat was to blame for many missed field trips, even a vacation. But, I was willing to undergo the horrible procedure if it would lead to antibiotics that would stop the pain...the unbearable pain.

Neil had things at work he absolutely could not miss today, so he got up at like 4:30 this morning to get on the phone to try to arrange for someone to make my appointment (since I can't speak), to watch Hayden, and to get me to the doctor. Neil called my Mom at her office at 6:30 - she had just gotten in. He barely had to explain the situation and she was on her way. She was here before 8:00 this morning, getting Hayden's breakfast, and calling the doctor for me. Then, she drove me to the doctor, entertained Hayden in the waiting room, drove me home, then went to the pharmacy for my prescriptions. She then fed Hayden lunch, and then took him with her back to work ALL DAY. In fact, it is now 5:30 and I have been to the doctor, have had my antibiotics, and have slept most of the day, and am sitting here with a lozenge, realizing how impossible it would have been today without her. Neil's Mom just called to see if she should come by and pick up Hayden on her way home from work. I told her I would be okay, and she told me over and over to call her if I felt too sick or too tired, no matter what time, and she would be right here.

People were meant to have family close by. I am so grateful for my mother and mother in law today. And for my husband who coordinated the whole thing while working a fifteen hour day with school afterward.

Preview

I took Hayden up to Mount Laguna to take some holiday pictures. I'm saving the best picture to use on our Christmas cards, but these others were contenders:

Hayden just informed us:

"Spiders are spicy."

These are some of the words and phrases Neil and I are trying desperately not to make permanent parts of our vocabulary despite how much we love them.

Hayden calls boobs "hutes" and butts "hupes." I have no idea where these words came from. It is a daily battle not to interject these terms into every conversation.

Hayden pronounces zero "zee-yay-o."

We explained he was to walk away if a dog ever growls at him. We did not, however, know how to answer when he asked what to do if a dog burps at him.

Every time we know he has a dirty diaper, he insists on telling us it's gas. Now, he elaborates and tells us he has gas, just like a car.

He pronounces Ramona "Marona."

Whenever he sees a Reindeer (in Christmas books, those Deer crossing road signs), he says "Look, a goat." I can't help but imagine Santa's sleigh being pulled by a bunch of bleating goats.

Fishies are Swishies.

Wheat Thins are Wheat Ones.

He named his bear from the Build-A-Bear Workshop place "Brown."

Mystery words: We still haven't figured out what "Qua" and "Ba-Cade" mean.

Today was one of the best days Hayden and I have ever had. And we have had lots and lots of good days. It was only the first day, but already I know I made the right decision signing him up for the mom and tot preschool. The program is so well run, and the teacher seems very good at determining a child's level of ability and adjusting the tasks to suit each kid. Hayden loves her. The class is organized into blocks of time for different learning activities, then circle time (which Hayden actually sat through), then a snack, twenty minute recess at the park right outside, then an art project, and a final circle time with a learning activity. All the activities center around a theme for the day. Today, we were learning left and right. Hayden already knows left and right, but it was good practice for him. They read a story about mittens, then made mittens by gluing yarn onto construction paper. Finally, they did tasks using their right hands only.

He knows a lot of the things that were covered today, but since most of the kids are older than him, I think he'll still be challenged and learn a lot. Most of the kids are three and four, and only two kids are younger than Hayden.

We had a great time - and I have glue all over my jeans from his art project!!

I am feeling so much better. My friend Becky are her two boys came up on Saturday night. It was amazing to see Hayden playing with her five year old and nine year old. I think he just really relates to older kids better. He had the best time with them. They are also great at treating him like an equal, and not a baby.

Sunday, we ran some errands, did some shopping, I bought some new books to read. Neil and I talked about what I could do to break up the days during the week. He had been encouraging me for months to take Hayden to the rec center in our community for their weekly story time. A Mom we talked to at the park told us how great it was, and that all the moms and kids come out to the park right after. The story hour thing conflicted with when childcare is offered at the gym. I called about it anyway, and I found out there is a two hour mom and tot preschool class offered on a day and time that works with my schedule. So, I called the teacher for more information. I was on the phone with her for like thirty minutes. It really sounds like a great program, and she had one opening for the Tuesday class. So, we're going to check it out tomorrow. It sounds like a good way for Hayden to meet some kids that live in our area, and I will be able to get to know some other parents with kids Hayden's age. And, I can still go to the gym on my regular days. We will have to give up Gymboree though. But, Neil's right - it does make more sense to do this type of thing in our own neighborhood than forty miles away.

Moody

While I seem to have come to accept the election results, I wonder if maybe I'm still depressed. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the schedule, whatever the cause, something has me feeling weird and I haven't been able to shake it for a few days. I think maybe I'm just down because the last couple of weeks have been very slow, with very little excitement to break up the monotony. I've been on my own with Hayden almost the entire time, and when Neil is home, he is doing homework. Hayden's also been sick, so we have been stuck at home, which really makes me feel like a caged animal. Since I have nothing to distract me, I'm obsessing over why I am feeling like this, and over-analyzing the hell out of myself.

This hour, I am thinking that the schedule is just hard right now, and life has sucked for quite a few days in a row, but that it will pass. Next weekend, Neil and I are going to L.A. to see Wilco and I know we are going to have a great time. A few hours ago, I was thinking that it's because I am a childish idiot who is having trouble adjusting to a life where I am now at the bottom of the list, after living in a relationship for thirteen years where I was at the top. This morning, I thought maybe I was unfulfilled and need to go back to school or take up some new pastime. Last night, I thought maybe I needed to get together with some friends and just feel like there is something besides this house, Hayden's world, Neil's job, Neil's school. Which led me to the observation that none of my friends are in the same circumstance I am. This makes it extremely hard to coordinate things. Mainly, though, I realized that while I am really good at inviting people over for organized, formal parties a few times a year, I suck at making simple plans with the people I care about. I have always expected my friends to do it. And, now with everyone's lives as busy as they are, I find myself without those types of plans all together. I never really thought about it as being up to me. Selfish. Egotistical.

So, I need to take the initiative and make plans. And to remember that they don't have to be so over the top. Usually, when I make plans, it's for some kind of big event, or trip, or concert. I never call anyone to just hang out, or go out to eat. Never. And that is probably a big cause of my current state of mind.

I am so depressed this morning. It just doesn't seem possible that three million more people support Bush now than four years ago. How is that possible? The entire middle of the country has lost its mind.

Vote Vote Vote Vote Vote Vote Vote!!!!!!!!!!!