8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Today, we have our last appointment before the big day. It should just be a routine appointment, and my doctor will be going over all the info I need before the c-section. I am still having a really hard time believing we're this close. I mean, we're having a baby NEXT WEEK! Yikes. I feel so normal and I think that is the part of the problem. I'm not nearly as uncomfortable as I feel like I should be. I am sleeping pretty well, aside from getting up to pee four or five times a night. I'm still going to the gym. I have been going to the pool a few times a week too. It just feels like our life is going on, and I just happen to be 9 months pregnant. Which is exactly what I hoped it would be like for me this time.

We're pretty sure this will be our last baby, but after having such a great pregnancy, I can't really bring myself to think that this is it. The other day in the car, Neil said "This is a really big deal - this is the last time we'll ever do this." And, it was the first time I really thought about it in that way. I don't know how I will feel next week about all this, but I have really enjoyed this time. I have been very in tune with my body and I feel strong and healthy and much more in control of the whole situation than I did last time. So, coming off this relatively easy road, I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the rough ride ahead. Neil and I both feel we are prepared as far as having her room and the gear and everything ready for her arrival, but that we both are dangerously unprepared for the reality of having a newborn. Like we are both in denial and in the back of our minds think our life will somehow continue as it is now - wonderfully calm and fairly predictable. Even though we have been through it before, we have never been through it this time - with this baby - under these circumstances, and having Hayden to think of too. So, all I know is that I don't know. I don't know how it will be, but I know we will get through it. And though we may not feel like it for a few months, we are going to love it.

3 Weeks from today

So, I am going back and forth between excitement and fear. I don't know exactly what I am afraid of, but I think it has to do with the fact that life is about to change drastically, and there's no way to know just what those changes are going to be like. I can't believe how close we are now. I had an appointment yesterday and my OB did an ultrasound to get an idea of the baby's size. I felt like baby Violet was bigger than Hayden at the same point in pregnancy, but I still expected her to be around 5 lbs since I have three weeks to go (and my C-section is a little over a week before my actual due date). This baby girl is already an estimated 6 lbs 5 oz, which seems huge to me. That actually puts her in the 66th percentile, so only slightly bigger than average. If I were to go to term, she probably would be a little bigger than Hayden's 7lbs 9 oz, but since we'll be early, she'll probably be very close in size. It just seems weird to me to have a baby bigger than the norm since Hayden has always been so small for his age. But, it's only an estimate, and Hayden was average at birth even though he's been on the small side ever since.

I guess it also freaks me out because I know that at that size, if she were born today, she would be fine. I have friends whose babies were smaller than that at birth (and not born that early) and were perfectly healthy. So, now I am imagining this newborn-sized baby in my belly, and man, that is a freaky thing. We have just about everything ready. I washed most of the clothes she'll wear her first few weeks and started packing the bag for the hospital. I am amazed at how good I am still feeling. Today, at the gym, I did cut my cardio time down a little because I was having contractions on the treadmill, but nothing serious or scary.

In 21 days (or less), there will be a new person here, an extension of our little family. I still can't quite believe it.