Two Months

Violet is now two months old. I keep looking back at my journal and pictures to see what Hayden was doing and how he looked at the same age. About four weeks ago, I read from my journal about how it wasn't that long ago that I was anticipating Hayden's first smiles and that how I already could barely remember when he didn't smile at me all the time. After I read it, I worried about Violet. She smiled every once in a while, but it seemed like she did it mostly when she was asleep or staring off at something. And she was a couple weeks older than Hayden was when I had written that. I remember thinking it just probably wouldn't be that way with her...that maybe she just wasn't as smiley of a baby. And now, I can barely remember what it was like when she wasn't smiling at us all the time. If she is awake and her tummy is full of milk, she is smiling. I have tried to get a good picture of her smiling, but my damn camera has that delay and I'm always missing them. This is what I was able to catch, and here are a few pictures of my two month old girl...





She is sweet and beautiful and she loves to stand up. When we hold her up so she can "stand," she get excited and makes this kind of weight-lifter Hans and Frans face as she bobbles around trying to support her weight that cracks us up every time we see it.

Last week, I had my hardest day yet with Hayden and Violet. There was a doctor appointment followed by grocery shopping and the baby was crying and Hayden was whining and Hayden had to pee while we were at the store, and then he had to go again ten minutes later, but wouldn't go and instead hopped around the whole store on the brink of disaster. Back in the car, he had a temper tantrum and Violet was screaming and I was near tears myself. I called Neil to see if there was any way he could come home early to take Hayden to swimming because I didn't think I could do it. There was no way he could get home in time, so I started calling my friends on my cell phone on the drive home, hoping somebody could talk me down before I had a nervous breakdown. I didn't have reception long enough for a complete conversation with anybody. I finally made it home (after getting stuck in road construction traffic for twenty five minutes and almost getting in a car accident on my street), and got the groceries put away and the baby fed and Hayden changed and sunscreened, and everyone loaded back up to go to swimming. I was beat down. I was defeated. I had never had a harder day in my life. While Hayden was in his swim class, I walked around the park with Violet in her sling, swaying back and forth to calm her down. I looked down at my little baby girl who was finally not crying, and this is what I saw...



Trust me, that was no accident. She meant it. Nothing compares to having a six week old tell you to F off.

Happy 4th of July

Sleepless

The first four weeks with Violet were easy. Too easy. I had a feeling it was too good to be true. I think (hope and pray) we're just going through a little phase right now. We've had good days and bad days over the last week and a half. The worst was on Thursday night. She woke up at 2:30 and didn't go back to sleep until 6:00 in the morning. And, she was fussy pretty much the whole time. Last night was much better, but every time she wakes up now, instead of just sleepily nursing her and waiting to go back to sleep, I start to panic that she might stay up all night again. It's harder this time in a lot of ways than when Hayden was a baby. Neil works a lot more now than he used to, so I have way less help. Also, with Hayden, I could just adapt to his schedule. If he had a night where he was up a lot, I could just sleep during the day when he did. It's not that easy to do when you have a four year old to take care of all day. I just seem to be functioning without naps on four hours of sleep a night (and not usually in a row). She just hasn't been a very happy baby for the last few days. I hope her disposition improves. Soon!

Here is the little dictator...




So, even though I have just complained and complained, I am feeling great right now. Neil's Mom came over this morning and watched Violet and Hayden so I could go to the gym for the first time since she was born. I hope I didn't overdo it since I'm not technically allowed to exercise until after next Thursday, but I was desperate. That hour alone with my Ipod and the elliptical machine, weights, and gossip magazines was exactly what I needed. I can't believe how much it improved my state of mind and how quickly it restored a sense of normalcy. And, my mother in law is coming back Monday so I can go again. Hooray!!!

It feels so good to have a little bit of my life back.