Last night, I had the tiniest bit of spotting. Because of my previous bad experiences, I immediately tried to prepare for the worst. We were at a restaurant in downtown, and it seemed like the longest drive of my life to get home. As soon as we got here, I checked for blood, and there wasn't any. I couldn't sleep at all and kept getting up all night to check. Nothing. I called my doctor first thing this morning and they got me in for an ultrasound in the early afternoon. It just about killed me waiting all day. I was trying to figure out how I would tell everyone. I was reliving how my symptoms hadn't seemed as strong over the weekend. I was feeling stupid for feeling slightly secure. I still hadn't had any more bleeding.

The ultrasound showed a strong heartbeat, and no evident problems. My doctor was very reassuring, but I am still so scared. I go back in a little over a week for another ultrasound. I just feel like I am on the verge of a panic attack, and I can't really explain why. I saw proof that, for now, things are okay. Why am I still terrified? Will I feel better tomorrow, or am I really going to live like this, brimming with fear, for the next month? or longer?