I Think I Want Another Baby After All

For a while, I wasn't sure if I would ever feel like going through it all again, (see Dilemma Two) but here I am. I don't want to do it immediately. Maybe at the end of the year - or if not then, in April or May. (We can't have a December due date - Neil can't take any time off in December. Besides - my birthday is in December and I don't want to subject my child to that injustice).

I know that the next pregnancy will be very different than the last one. With Hayden, we were so afraid of having a third miscarriage, I lived like a kept woman for nine months. I only worked twenty hours a week. We hired housekeepers for all the chores. I didn't lift anything (unless I was going to eat it). I didn't do any exercise of any kind (aside from the constant chewing, and the waddling around the block with Haley in my nine month, trying to bring on labor). I was fat, fat, fat, but I had a healthy baby, and I lost all the weight.

Still, I can't do some parts the same way, and I don't want to do the other parts the same way. First of all, the life of leisure is over. Okay, I still have the housekeepers, but there wasn't a two year old running wild the last time either. I still have to clean the house every day. Neil won't be around this time to cater to my every whim. I am going to have to be an independent pregnant woman this time. I am going to have to function in society, and parent a two or three year old at the same time.

Also, I can't imagine giving up my days at the gym. This time, I want to be an active pregnant woman. I want to keep up my routine, maybe jog instead of run, maybe decrease the weights. The bottom line: this time, I want to have a pregnant belly and a somewhat normal body. Oh, and big boobs for a while. If the exercise is dangerous to the baby in any way, I'll go without, but now that I know my body can endure a healthy pregnancy, I think I feel more confident that I can do it on my terms. I do miss the big, round, hard pregnant belly. I don't miss cellulite.

This time, I'll know going in that I have to have a C-Section. I won't have to endure seething pain for twenty hours only to go through an entirely different type of pain for three weeks after. I'll know that the sleepless nights only last a couple of months. I'll know it's supposed to hurt that bad when the baby latches on to your nipple.

Next time, I'll know how fast it goes by.