i have too much to write to bother with capitalization and appropriate punctuation. i don't even know where to begin. i guess i'll begin at the beginning.

neil and i went to a funeral on saturday and went to neil's mom's to pick up hayden afterward. we noticed there was a small fire a couple of miles from her house. she and neil's brother were very nervous about it. neil and i must have each told them a hundred times that it was nothing. that we had been here for however many years and trust us, we've seen some fires, and this is not even worth worrying about. we went home. we had dinner. went to bed.

neil's brother calls at about 11:00 to tell us it is getting bigger. we say sure -whatever. back to bed. our phone rings at 1:00 in the morning- neil's mom again saying they are probably going to evacuate soon and that they didn't want to come here, the fire is coming towards us. back to bed. phone rings again ten minutes later. it is our next door neighbors saying they drove up the hill, took a look, and the fire is pretty bad - better get up. the next thing i know, neil is out back, with sprinklers and hoses and shovels. the wind is blowing. it's smoky, but still so far away. i consider taking a shower just in case i do have to go anywhere. instead, i back up all the work i've been doing on to a cd. neil's mom keeps calling - they are leaving. we should leave. we still don't think it's a big deal. i look outside again. this time, i see a huge inferno - a big mountain glowing red and then darker red like hot hot charcoal in a barbecue. a line of cars trying to get out. neil's mom calls again saying you have to go now. please go now. neil and our neighbors say not yet - we're still okay. i load the car. i grab photo albums and camcorder tapes and baby books. then, one change of clothes (one), toothbrushes (no toothpaste), my guitars. what else? i am frantic trying to decide what to pack. run outside again. our neighbors are all outside, trying to decide what the hell to do. there are no firetrucks, no notice to evacuate, just fire and wind and confusion. neil is on the roof, hosing down the house when he realizes burning embers are blowing on to him and on to our roof. he says okay, we have to go. i get in the van with hayden and halley. he gets in the accord. he forgot something and goes back and while i wait at the bottom of our driveway, i look up at our house. i try to figure out what weird looking light i left on inside and then i realize it is the house glowing orange from the fire behind it. it is so close. we become part of the huge line of cars all escaping the one and only way out of the estates. i see people on the side of the road with horses. we go to the stater brothers parking lot, and then on to julian.

the next day, we decided we'd see if our house was still standing. we somehow made it in even though the roads were all supposedly closed. our whole little community was actively burning as we passed through. we drove closer to our house and the medians in the road were on fire. we got to our street and i saw the first burned down house. it was heartbreaking. the hill behind my house was still burning and the wind was even stronger than the night before. we tried to stay and help and protect and went out back with our hoses, but it was too dangerous. The ground was still so hot and the fire was still so out of control. our neighbors were further up our street, trying to help save one house while the one next to it burned to the ground. we still never saw a single firetruck. houses were burning, hills were burning, and there was just nothing we could do, and while we all tried to do something, we knew it was more than we could handle. we left knowing our house was there for the moment, but may not make it through the morning.

a few days later, we were able to go home. i still can't believe our house made it. the fire burned so close to us. so close to all of the houses on this side of the estates. we all back to open space. we all used to have lovely views. neil and i hiked way way back behind our house this morning. it looks like the moon. this is the view out of hayden's window now:



our house is intact and besides losing a couple of fruit trees everything's okay. we'll have to clean the carpet (the two week old carpet) and upholstery and replace the window coverings. minor minor stuff. it's amazing that you can fit everything that really matters into one car load with room to spare.