About Bumper Stickers

i've been doing some thinking about bumper stickers. why do we feel a need to express ourselves to the commuting public? is it an attempt to present our best to the world? i think it's hilarious that we all (me included) want the world to know there's more to us than just the blank expression behind the steering wheel.

visualize world peace, or visualize using our turn signal, meat is murder, dump davis, these colors won't run, i'd rather be doing this or that, my other car is something witty, this profession does it like this, on and on and on...

some perplex me more than others...

like the whole fish or anti-fish controversy. forgive my ignorance - i don't really know what the fish means except that it's something about jesus. therefore, the person inside that particular Ford Explorer or Expedition believes in jesus and wants me to know they believe in jesus. got it. then there are the darwin fish-evolving-into-something-else people. these people believe in evolution and thus infuriate the fish people to such an extent that they felt the need to come up with more stickers. i've seen two such examples of fish-person revenge. one where the jesus-people depict their jesus-fish devouring the darwin fish-evolving creature in the name of truth. the other one shows darwin's grave and exclaims that only now does he believe in what the fish people knew all along. so, from this i gather that if you piss off jesus-fish-type people, they may eat you alive - cannibal style, or mock you while you eternally burn in hell.

another one...

we've all seen the Calvin character emitting a giant arc of urine on to some offending word while still apparently managing to be whimsical and not disgusting in the eyes of the general public. sorry - i find it extremely sad and tacky. what i find amusing, however, is the range of items the car owners have Calvin so proudly pissing on. there are Calvins pissing on Fords, and then Calvins pissing on Chevys. don't these cancel each other out? the one i saw today that really confused me was Calvin pissing on "MY EX." and yes it was on a big red-necky truck. and no, i did not see the owner, but do i really need to see him? i think i can safely assume quite a lot about an individual that would put that on his vehicle. does he wait in vain for the day his "EX" pulls up along side him, witnesses his feelings depicted on his witty decal, and drives away sobbing? does his new girlfriend ride around in the cab of that truck triumphantly because she knows that he doesn't want to piss on her (at the present time anyway) and that must mean she's better than the "EX"? doesn't it seem strange for someone to take the time and effort to buy and display a bumpersticker about an ex-wife or girlfriend? i think our friend the red-neck needs to move on and put his past behind him. someone has some communication issues and must be in desperate need of closure.

so, what's on your car? i'm not above all of this. i have a radiohead decal on my car. why? because i love radiohead and i enjoy driving a minivan with a radiohead sticker. i think it's interesting. neil doesn't have any stickers, but he does drive around with my SDSU alumni license plate frame. imposter. i guess this means you can't believe everything you read...on cars.