23 Days

The last two years really have been so, so hard. It's been two years now since we have had the comforting pattern of dinners together, watching TV in the evening, talking about our days. I have spent so many long days with just Hayden, and so many nights alone, that I genuinely find it hard to remember any other way of living. Our life has been MBA this and MBA that for as long as I can remember. I don't really know what it is like to just hang out as a family anymore. Neil has spent the last two years at work, at school, meeting with his master project group, stressing out about not having time to do his assignments and study, and feeling guilty for not having any time with us. A good day for us is spending a few hours together in between a work or school commitment. And recently, Hayden has been getting really upset about not having Dad around. Frequently, I have to remind myself that this is not how everyone lives. You just start to find the chaos familiar, then it seems normal. I am surprised when I see Dads and sons out at the golf course at dusk, or husbands and wives out to dinner. I really have forgotten the pace of a regular life.

There have been some good things. It has been a time that has made me learn to be more independent than I thought I could be. It has helped me to make some good friends nearby which has helped my state of mind tremendously. Neil has realized that he is basically unstoppable. Hayden has spent regular evenings with his grandmas four times a week - a routine he is really going to miss.

It is all coming to an end. In addition to each classes' exams and papers for all four semesters, the last two years have been leading up to the submittal of a huge thesis paper and a formal presentation in front of the entire university board of directors. The paper - done. The presentation is this Wednesday. I look at my calendar and see good things coming up over the next three weeks. A week from tonight, Neil and I are going to the Wilco concert. The next Saturday, we're having Neil's graduation party here with the family. The following Saturday, commencement...and we're off the following day to Kauai.

And then...just life.

I can't wait.